Define Me

“your illness does not define you,” they say

but i say it’s what makes you who you are

for there is no me outside of pain

unless it is found in fear or scars

for the pain has made me strong

in the same way it makes me weak

forever it will surround my life

and the depths of my future look bleak

i haven’t a present with a reason to live

and my future doesn’t look any brighter

so i live in the past as if it were now

but that’s like walking on embers to get to a fire

it hurts to remember who you used to be

if she is someone that you liked better

than the ashes of a girl, who you are today

and the girl of your past is gone forever

when your friends all leave because you’re not the same

and all that you know has been taken away

by an illness that dogs your every step

how could it not define you in every way?

my illness controls how i think, feel, and act

and it is only through the lens of it that i am seen

how could it possibly not be my definition

when it’s a part of every part of me?